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I was raised in a Christian home by a man who had powerful faith and hope in the Lord. Truthfully though, my own faith has been pushed to it’s very limits. I’ve realized something that my grandfather surely knew, as well, even though I don’t think we ever discussed it and that is how having blind faith in your darkest hour is an ability that is only formed through surviving the darkest moments in life.
I vaguely remember rolling around on the ground yelling in despair when I learned that my son had passed. One of my best friends was with me. She sat there, held my head within her lap trying to keep me still and prevent me from injuring myself on the asphalt and gravel. I cried out, “Why, God?! How could you let this happen to my baby? Oh Lord, my faith in you is gone!” And in the moment, I feared it was.
I felt abandoned and forsaken. Just two hours before I had grabbed those near me and led a prayer circle for the very first time, thanking God in advance for protecting my son from the demons that plagued his heart and mind and for returning him to me safe. Those prayers went unanswered. My beautiful child was gone.
In the weeks that came afterward I argued often with God. I sometimes questioned His existence and spent the rest of the time doubting His goodness. I accused Him of not being a loving Father.
I wondered how my faith would ever be salvaged. The truth is though, when you find yourself in the most desperate situations, you realize that the dark valleys are where blind faith is truly born. It’s born from the sheer weight of the impossible … knowing that you’d not survive that kind of pain and darkness alive or sane without the grace of God. He had to be there carrying me or else I’d not have made it through.
When you find yourself in the most desperate situations, you realize that the dark valleys are where blind faith is truly born. Click To Tweet
The loss of a child is unbearable. I say it time and time again. When people say to me, “Your faith is so inspiring!”, I really want to say how it’s not. I want to say how my faith is tattered and torn, broken and glued back together, barely hanging on but hanging on for dear life. I may have been arguing with God and begging Him for answers and direction, but I was still talking to Him and praying to Him. This is when I realized my faith was real and solid.
When you’ve been so angry at God and never thought to try to hide it; when you’ve questioned His judgement out loud in the bathtub with a tear stained face; when you’ve yelled at Him while driving down the highway for thinking you could be so strong to handle this; When you’ve sobbed with hands held high through worship at church begging for relief from your torture but not yet feeling it … Yes, this is when blind faith is realized.
The hope that I have in the Lord, the gifts in the people He has sent my way, the way that He carried me through days I can barely recall : These things are the most important factors to my faith. He may have allowed me to walk in this storm but He sent me so many loving arms to help hold me up.
It’s not really easy to have blind faith even when you say you have it. There is always that voice in the back of your mind, the enemy whispering in your ear, what if?
“What if nothing good ever comes from this tragedy? What if God never eases your suffering? What if God doesn’t even exist? What if this life is it and you will never see your son again?”
These are the times you have to really examine your faith with a magnifying glass. You will be faced with asking yourself all the Why questions and seeing what answers you have in your heart. “Why did you ever believe?” “What has God done to cause me to believe now?” “Why would God allow me to go through this?” Turning to the Bible for answers to that last question always brings me to the same places.
First, in 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 “All praise goes to God, Father of our Lord Jesus, the Anointed One. He is the Father of compassion, the God of all comfort. He consoles us as we endure the pain and hardship of life so that we may draw from His comfort and share it with others in their own struggles.”
It says right there that God consoles our pain so that we may draw in His comfort to then share with others in their own time of need. Sometimes I think we get so caught up in the “Why Me” circle that we forget this life was never promised as painless. God promised to comfort us in our pain, not spare us from it. Satan is evil. And we have to choose which path to take : Light or Dark.
And Second I remind myself that the entire purpose of man on Earth is to give glory to God as His family. He hopes we will be victorious over sin, including our own unbelief. The trials we are faced with here are meant to be overcome in faith. This is how we will inherit the Kingdom of the Lord. We are told this in Revelation 21:7. “Those who are victorious will inherit all this, and I will be their God and they will be my children.”
Isn’t it cruel of God to allow His children to suffer? You might be asking this question as I also did. The answer to that can’t directly be found in the Bible as far as I know. The answer I have came to me in the midst of a dark night of grief.
God gave us free will because He wants us to truly love him and serve Him as His children rather than be forced to do so. Part of allowing us to choose darkness is to allow it near us. Without knowing darkness and evil, we would never be able to choose God’s Light.God gave us free will because He wants us to truly love him and serve Him as His children rather than be forced to do so. Part of allowing us to choose darkness is to allow it near us. Click To Tweet
Also, we need to remember that although these trials on Earth are hard, they are temporary. This terrible world is nothing more than a dreamlike (or nightmarish, if you will) event to our eternal soul. Our human essence is concerned with now. That’s what makes the challenge of this life difficult. And that is the entire point. We are learning lessons on the soul level here on Earth and when you consider eternity, this lifetime of suffering begins to look far more insignificant.
I compare it to a toddler in despair because it’s mother has walked into another room. The child’s brain has not developed enough to understand the concept of time. It does not know that it’s mother is just a room away and will return. It doesn’t realize it hasn’t been abandoned forever. It can only feel despair and pain.
I think our adult minds are very similar when it comes to the concept of our Heavenly Father and the concept of eternity. We just can’t understand in our human essence that our loved ones are just a moment away, not really gone for forever. That our Father has not forgotten and abandoned us but is watching over us very nearby, ensuring our safety, and this painful moment will be entirely insignificant to us once we are able to understand as He does.
Just as Jesus told Peter
John 13:7 “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.”
So I boldly choose to wear my blind faith. I choose to accept my suffering here as a mere lesson for my eternal soul. I choose to turn to God for answers and comfort and direction for my purpose through Him. I believe that my Heavenly rewards for choosing the Light will be worth it all.
If my insight gives you any peace in your time of struggle then I hope you will take the time to leave me your thoughts. I’d love to hear from you.
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May God bless you tremendously.